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John Strelecky:
Hello everyone and welcome to The John Strelecky Audio Experience. Buckle up and get ready for some fun. In this episode, my friend Gero Hesse and I cover questions it would’ve been awesome to know at 15. The power of patience, playing the fast-forward game, the meaning of DMDEII, why it’s worth being bold, and steps to finding your dream job. Enjoy.
Gero Hesse:
So we’re talking right in advance of the publishing of your very new book. The German title is Überraschung im Café am Rande der Welt and as the title suggests, we revisit old characters and get to know new characters as well, specifically one character. And we’re back at The Cafe at the Edge of the World.
John Strelecky:
Exactly. Yeah, for cafe fans, it’s good news. It’s time to go back to the cafe again.
Gero Hesse:
Yeah, absolutely. And to me, I am super honest here. I was a little bit like, okay, what is he going to tell in the fourth part of this story? I guess everything has been told, but the new character, Hannah, is very interesting and I like it very much because she’s, one could say teenage girl. She’s right on the step to really become a grown young woman. She’s 15 years old in the story, and of course that’s an age where you generally start re-questioning a lot of things. And so at least in my opinion, it’s a very good setting because these underlying questions that you start having on the way to become a grownup, of course they stay with you and from time to time they come up again because life is changing. And so I think that’s very clever to use somebody in the teenage years as a main character.
John Strelecky:
Thanks. Yeah, so we first met Hannah briefly in the third cafe book. And originally when I wrote that book I thought it was going to be a two protagonist story where Hannah would be half the story and John would be the other half. Hannah saying, I wish I was older, and John saying, I wish I was younger. And when I wrote the third book and I had written it all, but when I read through it, there was just something inside of me that said, this is two separate books.
I’m so happy that I listened to that inner voice because in the process of writing this fourth book, it really gave me a chance to go very deep in the character of Hannah, who she is and why she’s dealing with the struggles that she’s dealing with.
And most important for cafe fans, it’s why she and the cafe have found each other at this moment. So yeah, I don’t know, there’s just something magic for me, Gero, about going back to the cafe. It’s a magical experience in the writing process and going back and rereading it is just as magical for me.
Gero Hesse:
Oh, I can understand. And honestly I have to say it took me like five sentences to really become part of the story as a reader. So really to be interested in the story and in the questions Hannah is asking. By the way, knowing that you have a daughter as well, was she kind of inspiration?
John Strelecky:
Yeah, without a doubt. So my daughter is right in that same age, and so part of my ongoing decisions as a father, the things that I’m thinking about are how do I prepare my child for life? And what are the big questions that I wish I would’ve been thinking about or been exposed to or gotten a little guidance on when I was 15, when I was about to enter that phase like you so beautifully described? This is such a transition phase for young people when they’re in that period of life.
And so without a doubt, it’s certainly not the only reason why I wrote the book, but there is a big piece of that which is writing for my daughter. And I’m so honored to say that. So each time I finish a book, I have 10 people read it and give me really critical feedback because that’s really important for me to know that the book hit the way that I wanted it to hit with audiences. And if it doesn’t, I really want to know so I can go back and make changes. And so she was one of my 10 readers this time, which was a real thrill for me.
Gero Hesse:
Oh, that’s interesting. So obviously when you read the book, dear listeners, you will see that this is just an inspiration. Probably the background of Hannah is very different from your daughter I guess.
John Strelecky:
Yeah, definitely the character is very different.
Gero Hesse:
What did she say? Did she like it?
John Strelecky:
Yeah. I think part of being a parent is knowing when to drop a seed, plant a seed. And the third cafe book….
I talk about this idea that when you’re sharing a piece of inspirational wisdom or receiving it, that it’s like a drop of water into your personal bucket. And sometimes when we give that drop of water to someone, it is just falling into a big empty bucket and all you hear is kind of a giant ping and they don’t seem very responsive or you don’t get any feedback on it. And that might seem a little disappointing, but other times you’re going to share a piece of guidance or wisdom and that is the drop that overflows the bucket in a positive way.
That’s when things can really start cascading and transforming for people. And so I’ve learned in my life that it’s about going in without having the expectation that the drop that you share is going to either be the hollow ping or the one that overflows the bucket.
It’s just you do it because your intuition says this is something I feel like sharing to this person. So in having my daughter be part of the focus group, I did my best to walk in with no expectations, that the wisdom that I shared in the story that she was going to be like, oh my gosh, dad, that was so amazing. But I’m very delighted to say that we’ve had really some beautiful conversations about it. Interestingly, not necessarily right after she finished it, but in the month subsequent we would just be driving and she would bring something up that was part of the story. So it’s a kind of act of patience I think when you’re having these kind of dialogues with your kids.
Gero Hesse:
That’s very interesting because I read the book in two reading sessions. You can read it quite fast. It takes about two hours. But in both sessions I had several thoughts in my mind.
The first was, of course I was into the story as mentioned before, right? Five sentences and you’re back in the cafe and you know some characters. So we revisit characters such as Mike, Emma, Casey, so this is great. But then it really came to my mind, this is a book for parents. I have kids as well and I have kids in the same age range. And of course it made me right away reflect about the relationship I have with my kids, but also the questions they have to deal with usually in that age. And that was the first thing.
The second thing was I had to think about myself being like 14, 15, 16, and then I became aware the underlying questions that you address in the book, they are relevant I guess for any point in life. At least I can say it for my life. Who am I? Or you will say, of course, who are you to the reader or where will you be from? So meaning where do you start your way and what are your plans? Where do you want to go? And the last question is…
Why are you here?
So these are very, how can I say, relevant questions, not only for kids in a certain age or for parents who have kids in that age, but I guess for every human being based upon the situation you are in. Life is a stream and it changes and sometimes slowly, sometimes a little bit more fast. But the questions I guess are relevant. So this was interesting.
So I had to think about my kids, I had to think about myself and I had to think about work because at the end of the day SAATKORN the podcast is work related. But then again, why do you choose the job that you have and why do you choose to stay within the company? Or perhaps why do you choose to change the job and are you a victim of circumstances or are you able to change things? There are some very basic underlying questions that are also relevant for this aspect in life. So that to me was very interesting and fascinating and I could relate on many levels to this story and it’s super fresh because I read the last part yesterday evening. But I can understand that these thoughts or these seeds that are sown by you with the book will take a longer time and come up from time to time. So I think that’s very nice about this book.
John Strelecky:
Thank you. Yeah, it’s funny that you’re right, that we ask different questions in life depending on where our life situation has taken us. And so in Hannah’s case, here she is this 15 year old kid turning 16, and because she doesn’t have very strong guidance at home, as a matter of fact, it’s the opposite, she has no support at home, then she’s forced to deal with and ask these questions in a situation that is quite early in life.
But that said, you might be going through your existence and have a well-supported childhood, but never really have been exposed to an idea such as the fast-forward game, which is a concept that I share in the book where if you just take a decision that you’re going to make and you play this fast-forward game where you’re looking and saying, if I do this, what happens next? And then what happens next from that? And then what happens next from that? And you can kind of see the way in which your life is going to go. Again, this is one of those where, wow, I really wish I’d have learned that when I was younger or even in my 20s or even in my 30s would’ve been great because it’s really powerful when you realize it and if you’ve never had somebody share it with you, you just don’t know.
Gero Hesse:
Absolutely. So what’s the reaction from the readers who have read the book already?
John Strelecky:
I mean, it was awesome. Like I said, I asked my core 10 readers to read it and the feedback was really beautiful and really fabulous. That always makes me very excited to have the book out there. And then I have to wait because that process takes place almost a year and a half before the book is eventually published.
Gero Hesse:
Coming back to the latest book about Überraschung im Café am Rande der Welt another thought that I really liked about it is how you described that very important moments don’t exist isolated from each other. So defining moments don’t exist in isolation. Perhaps you can describe the concept behind this thought a little bit more in detail.
John Strelecky:
Yeah, absolutely. When we’re going through our life and we have something challenging happen to us, it’s very easy to feel very frustrated, very angry, very upset. And I say that from personal experience.
I had a tremendously defining moment. My goal when I was younger was to become a pilot and I did everything to achieve that goal.
I worked crazy hours to save enough money. I invested years and years of my life to go through pilot training. I worked for free for a summer for a major airline with a very prestigious internship only to find out that I eventually was diagnosed with a heart condition that was so rare that it only matters if you want to be a pilot or an astronaut. But on that day that I received that notice, that was the end of my aviation career.
And so that was just crushing. For a year I was depressed and didn’t know where I was going to go with my life. I mean, my whole dream for, gosh, I guess since I was 16, 17, had been built on that premise that this is who I’m going to be. I’m going to be an airline pilot. And then it was all taken away. And it wasn’t just the airline pilot. I had a whole life envisioned associated with being an airline pilot, the freedom to travel, the amount of income I would make, the lifestyle I’d be living. And all of that was taken away in a single day because of something that I had no control over. Like I said, that was an incredibly horrible year for me following that. But looking back now, I realize that had I have been an airline pilot, I would’ve never become an author. And I love the life that I have, and I love the chance that I get to share with readers and interact with fans.
And we received the most unbelievable and beautiful letters from people telling about how the moment they’re at in their life, the struggles that they’re facing, that the books help them overcome those things, whether it’s a major illness or depression or just they’re at a stuck point in their life. And all of that would not have happened, Gero, had I become an airline pilot. And so I realize now that defining moment, which seemed so catastrophic at the time, was actually opening up a doorway to a much better path. So that defining moment didn’t exist in isolation, that if I was willing to keep moving forward that there was another path for me. And so that’s a huge takeaway for me and my life. And I think in everyone’s life, when we are able to step back with a little bit of perspective, we realize that these really, really big moments that aren’t necessarily great moments, that they can be really powerful and positive moments when we see where they guide us to.
Gero Hesse:
The interesting thing now is, and that kept me thinking already yesterday evening when I read about the fast-forward game, of course, I guess on the one hand it really makes sense to play a little bit around if I do this, what happens next? What can be the outcome of this? But then again, you really never know because the future is uncertain. It can be this way or it can be another way. So probably looking back to your situation all these years ago, did you play this fast-forward game? Did you come up with a concept then, or how did you deal with it in the first year when you knew that your dream to become a pilot would not become reality?
John Strelecky:
Yeah, I cannot say that I was smart enough at that point to play the fast-forward game, but I will tell you an example of where it came in later. And so no, I was not in a position where I had the mental fortitude or the awareness to play the fast-forward game at that point. But what I did know is that I couldn’t stay in that state of depression forever. If I did that, my life was going to be even worse than I ever could have imagined. And so at some point I had to move from where I was to somewhere else. And because I was kind of clueless, I just took a job and I took basically the first job that said, we’d like to hire you. Now looking back, what would’ve been a much better choice would’ve been saying, okay, if I take that job, where will I be five years from then? Where will I be 10 years from in all likelihood if I start at that job?
Had I have known that, I would’ve been much more selective in what type of job I took, what type of industry I took the job in, and what was the career path in that industry to something else. So it would’ve opened up a very good thought exercise had I had that awareness. But no, back then I was not that smart. But that said, when I was years into my career, I did play the fast-forward game because I was looking… This is when I was a consultant and I was looking at the people that were 10 years older than me and I said, nothing wrong with that life, but that’s not the life that I want. And so I had made plans to leave and to go backpack around the world. And so that is where I charted my course because of the fast-forward game. So yeah, I got a little smarter about it as I got older.
My dream is that everybody, when they’re just starting off their career has that awareness and therefore can start in a better place than I did.
Gero Hesse:
Yeah, I like that for myself too. And I look back, I was not that clever at all. And when I look at my kids, I mean when you’re younger, decisions quite often are made on an unconscious level. That’s how I can describe it. And probably it’s good to really say, okay, really think a little bit more about the potential outcome. And of course, fear is a big emotion that might get in the way. So perhaps you might think, hey, I like to be an author, but, and the but is so big.
In the book you deal also with the different ways of thinking how to choose your life path. And I like that section very much because at the end of the day, if you believe there’s a higher power, if so and your soul will go on after you live this life here on earth, then there’s no reason to have fear to really try to fulfill your dreams. And if you’re more on a nihilistic approach, same way because everything will be done and you’re gone and that’s it for this life and not only for this life but forever. But then why don’t you dare to really try to achieve what you really want to achieve? So I like that.
John Strelecky:
Isn’t that fascinating? When you break it down, if those truly are the two most likely options, you end up in the same place, which is what you said, you might as well be brave and you might as well be bold because you’re either going to get to the end of your life and realize, well, this was all there is, and wow, I really should have done something spectacular with it because this is all there is, or there’s something after this and so you don’t have to be so worried about it. Again, this is a perspective I wish that I would’ve had when I was younger.
Gero Hesse:
Absolutely.
John Strelecky:
It would’ve given me more courage at the times when I was much more fearful. And I think that’s the key maybe that you’re asking kind of what the intention is behind this book that I read it for my daughter. I guess I think about every young person who’s out there and every adult as well who’s struggling, but since our main character is 15, I’ll start with that category of reader. Every person who is maybe not getting that type of guidance either because their parents or support structure don’t know either, which was the case in my instance, my parents didn’t know. It’s not that they were withholding information from me, they just didn’t know the information to share or because their life situation hasn’t connected them with people who can share that. And so yeah, what a fascinating thought that from the time that you take your very first job, that you already start aligning it with your interests.
Wouldn’t that be amazing? Imagine if your first job at 15 or 16 when you’re looking at the different things you could do, you say, well, I’m kind of interested in art, and so I’m going to take a job that has something to do with graphics. And so great, that’s your first job. So now you do that when you’re in high school and then by the time you get to university and you’re thinking about doing an internship and you apply for these art-based internships and they say, well, do you have any experience whatsoever?
And you say, well, yes, as a matter of fact, I do. I’ve spent years during my high school years doing this art type work. Well, that just makes you stand out as far as an internship candidate. And then you graduate university and you try and get an actual job job. And they say, well, do you have any practical work experience in your industry? And you say, well, yes I do. I have all of this experience I did when I was 16, 17, and then I’ve got all of these fantastic internships I did in university all tied to my actual area of interest. And they of course are going to say, well, fantastic. We’d love to bring you in. Because as an employer, the goal is to hire someone who can add value right away. So I know this sounds so simplistic, but Gero, I got none of that guidance when I was growing up, that it’s very important where you start your path and you might as well start it in alignment with your interests.
Gero Hesse:
I believe that too. But there’s a big challenge to really find out your area of interest. That’s at least something that I see with my four kids who are too young now to really think about things like that. But the older ones, one child of mine really knew right away what she wanted to do, and she does it now and she really likes it, and she really moves in that direction. So she knows her area of interest, and that’s what she does, and that’s what she plans for. My wife and me, the biggest thing we can give her is a trust level that there’s no need to have fear, just go your way and if you do it and you really know what you want to do, then probably the outcome will be good. Whereas my son, he doesn’t know his area of interest. And that’s the biggest challenge to really find out what could be this area of interest. But that’s a different question, I guess.
John Strelecky:
Yeah, I can give two thoughts on that one because we get that question a lot. It’s the reason that I created The Big Five for Life Discovery Experience because so many people, this is going back probably 14 years ago, people would come to me and they would say something very similar to that, that I’ve read the books, I really want to move my life in a direction that feels awesome, I want to be excited every day. I just don’t even know what that is for me. And so over the course of two days, people go through this process and they become 100% aware of this is the direction that really calls to them. Interestingly, all we do during that experience is sort of peel back the layers and let the person’s unconscious mind speak more loudly because every person does know inside of them.
The question is, can that information come out? And so there’s many different ways to allow this to happen in addition to that two-day experience. One of the best ones for young people I think is asking one of two questions. One question is, what do you love to do when you’re not working or not studying as a student? And almost every young person can answer that question instantly. Oh, I love to play sports. I love to do this. Right? And so that is a fantastic starting point. So let’s say I love to play sports and specifically they love to play football. And of course the majority of sort of hypersensitive people would say, okay, but you can’t be a professional football player. There’s only a hundred of those every year that get to the top leagues and the rest of that.
Gero Hesse:
Sounds like the truth.
John Strelecky:
Yeah. And while that’s true, if you open your field of vision a little bit, you realize, okay, maybe there’s only a hundred men or women on the pitch. There are thousands and thousands who are supporting that, right? There are people in marketing associated with football. There are people in brand design associated with football. There are people in accounting. Every industry you can name, every area of study at university, someone is doing that associated with football, and therefore, hey, at a minimum, see if you can combine something with football. So then you open your field of vision a little wider and you say, well, what in addition to football do you love? And it’s, oh, I love the team spect of the game. Okay, great. So let’s try and get you an area of career that has a collaborative aspect. Well, what type of areas are that? Well, maybe it’s marketing because you do marketing… And so you know what I’m saying? It’s just opening up that field of vision and then allowing the area of interest to drive the decisions as opposed to just like, well, this is the job that’s available.
Gero Hesse:
Absolutely. So it’s really about asking the right questions and I guess then really move on from there and really stick to your guns, listen to our feelings and inner kind of speech, inner language.
John Strelecky:
Yeah, that inner guidance. Because here’s the second question, which ties into what you just said so perfectly, and that is, who’s doing my dream job? And what was their path to get there? So now that you have a sense of this wider field of vision of you as any age really, you open up your field of vision and you say, well, who is out there? And when you look at them, you’re like, I wish I had that job. That’s the thought that goes through, I wish I had that person’s job. Fantastic. Well, someone’s doing that job. It is a job that exists, and it could be you also. So learn the way that that person got from wherever they were to doing that job and then start imitating that path until you get to that job. I think too often in life we look and we say, well, that could never be me.
Every expert starts off knowing nothing about what they became an expert in. And so it’s possible, it’s doable. It may take some effort, it may take a few years of investment, but it’s possible.
Gero Hesse:
Now, this is also a suggestion from the new book that’s really about find somebody who can train you doing a certain thing and who is expert and can help you and give you guidance and suggestions. So that’s great. Yeah, so I really dig the book Überraschung im Café am Rande der Welt. It’s out today actually in Germany. So just buy it dear listeners, you won’t regret it. It’s a great book and it’s good food for thought.
John Strelecky:
Thanks for reading everyone. This episode has been brought to you by the fantastically awesome JS audio team, produced by the talented and so darn fascinating, Larry Hutter. All right, everybody.
Remember, life is short, statistically 28,900 days. So get out there and make this one a Museum Day.